I’ve hesitated to discuss this “out here” because…. well, few topics could be more personal. But I keep feeling the nudging that someone out there might find some encouragement from it, so here we go (it’s long, sorry).

I’m losing weight. A lot of weight. A little over 40 pounds in the last 12 weeks, with the goal still a considerable way down the road. While stray pounds have always been attracted to me like cat hair on black pants, in the last few years I went through some incredible stresses. Deaths, birth, job changes…nearly everything on any Top 10 Things That Will Send You To An Early Grave list. And when I’m stressed, I eat.

Food was something that could bring at least some temporary pleasure and literally insulated my feelings away from the world. So I stressed and I struggled to haul myself out of bed each morning and deal with my life, and I “rewarded” myself for survival with whatever I felt like as a treat. But I always knew that wasn’t the real me. I was in there somewhere, somewhat comatose, just hoping it would get better some day. And then I woke up.

I had been dealing with my stresses one by one, fighting and praying my way through. I’d realized I couldn’t deal with the weight until I had some of the food triggers laid to rest, but I finally came face to face with it. I couldn’t make any more progress until I started to show myself some love and respect. So this isn’t about a diet (I’m intentionally not promoting the plan I’m following here, although I can say it’s a very balanced, healthy one), it’s about self-care. About forgiving myself for my weaknesses. About literally losing my best defense that allowed me to drift into the background and limit my life. About daring to live more freely.

I’m saying all of this because while I am losing pounds, and limitations, and in some cases inhibitions, I have gained an enormous capacity for empathy. I am more honest and less judgemental than I’ve ever been. God has already begun using my experiences to help me intersect with people and issues I hadn’t reached before, and I’m thankful for that. I’ve learned it’s hard to listen when you’re still able to pretend “I’d never let myself go like that” but very ear-, eye-, and heart-opening to understand that any of us, at any time, can choose Escape, whatever flavor that takes for each of us.

So if you need to know tonight that you are more than your mess, I will pray with you Psalm 139:13-16, Ephesians 2:4-9, and 2 Corinthians 12:9. I will also tell you to please not lose yourself. Self-care is not selfish, or arrogant. It’s recognizing you need to put your own oxygen mask on so you can go about the work set before you. If that requires professional or medical counseling, seek it out. If that means exercising the word No, whisper it a few times for warm-up and then shout it loud and clear. And if it means facing something difficult, or scary, call on me. I don’t have an answer for every question, but I do have a strong arm for support, an endless supply of song snippets and movie lines suitable to any occasion, and one enormous God who can’t be scared by anything we might need to bring before Him. He believes we are worth any price.