I’ve been quiet here; too overwhelmed with living it to document it. But I’ve lived, and learned, and chosen love, and I’m ready to talk now. I could say this is a story about a marriage, but it never really is. It’s only ever a story about individuals; what we choose, who we allow ourselves to be. So this is my story.

There was a wildfire in my field. It shouldn’t have been a surprise; the tinder was certainly abundant. But what tiny, seemingly insignificant sparks it took to set it off. For a while, it smoldered in corners, and I felt an uncomfortable heat but I couldn’t see it yet. And then; eruption. Conflagration. Searing flames of anger, confusion, indignation, and outrage became a roaring wall around me. I couldn’t find escape. I was too rooted to run but desperate for safety, so I let it burn, and I went. . . dormant.

I counted what I feared I’d lost, but was too scared to open my eyes to see for sure. I was terrified of what might be gone. Security, money, pride, love, hope… what if they were all just piles of ashes now? So I buried myself in layers of whatever felt safe, and prayed someone would know where to burrow down to find me. Tell me it would be ok.

As it turns out,  Someone knew exactly where, and who, I was all along.  And sunlight came, and gentler breezes, and rain to soothe and wash clean what was scorched. And we survived.

So once again, in a more drastic, deeper way than I thought possible, I find I am being refined, redefined. I am turning over new leaves on every branch. I’m more certain of where to be bold, and to what and whom my roots will cling now. I’m less willing to spend time on the foolishness of the world and more interested in real joy. I’m clearing off surfaces and decluttering my mind.

Maybe you are in the middle of renewal too. Or you’re burdened, afraid it’s impossible for you. It isn’t, I promise. Nothing that has to do with drawing closer to God is ever impossible, according to Luke 1:37. So the clouds are parting, I’m feeling full of possibilities, and I’ll post about them as I go. You’re welcome to follow along.