After living through 40 years of my own, I have found that while some days seem to last an eternity, overall the years fly by more quickly each time.  And just as some days are endured, some are long wished-for, and some are so mundane they are all but ignored, there are years, and there are Years.  This has been a Year.

Toting up the positives, it’s been a year of explosive growth for me spiritually.  Two intensive Bible studies, a challenge to read the Bible in a year, an overseas mission trip, and near weekly breakthroughs in our age-group worship experiences at church have kept me in a constant state of awareness of God’s Word. If you immerse yourself enough in scripture, you cannot help but be changed.  But even in this, one of my strongest positives, the most growth happened in the darkest hours, when sorrow, pain, and grief peeled J and I down to what we truly stood for.

J’s career took a significant boost this year as well, to continue the praises.  After having gone through a (mercifully brief) stretch of unemployment a few years ago when the small business he worked for dissolved, we were certainly thankful he was gainfully employed.  However, his hours were extremely long and the frustrations were high, and the quality of our family time was much less than we hoped for.  After a long stretch of prayers for guidance and seeking opportunities, the right fit finally came along, and he is thriving and enjoying his work in a way he had not for quite a long time.

I had a bit of a change as well, taking on a new role within my same area that brought more responsibility and some new opportunities within my bank.  I also attended, for me, a record number of conferences, which left my brain stuffed with good knowledge but my heart a little homesick from all the times I packed up and left J behind.

I’d like to say we’ve also changed addresses, but that hasn’t quite happened yet.  Since J’s new job has him driving in the same direction I do, with a few extra miles beyond thrown in, we’ve reconciled ourselves to packing up and moving a bit northward if the house sells.  We’ve had some nibbles, but as yet no sale, so there we exercise patience.  I’ll say though, patience is easier to exercise than the marathon work it took to get all those little home repair projects done within a very short period of time, in the middle of a busy travel season, so it’s pretty nice now to sit back, trust God with the details, and enjoy a perfectly organized and functional home!

But there’s an even bigger change we’re experiencing, one that will continue to rock our world in the most welcome way. Through all of 2012, we’ve learned over and over again how very, very real God can be in our lives if we invite Him.  In one of my very first posts here, early this Spring, I pondered over God’s promises and wondered what it was He may choose to directly promise me one day.  One Sunday evening in September, a few weeks after my miscarriage, God spoke through a man in our church group.  He gave J and I a direct message that we would indeed have a baby, that it would be a boy, and that, in the spirit of Samuel, he would be a mighty man of God.  Now I don’t know if you’ve ever had someone prophesy to you, but it is not something you are even tempted to take lightly.  After all my questions, God made a bold promise.  Do I believe it?  Is it that simple, that we say we trust Him, we ask Him to lead, and He tells us exactly where we’re going to go?  I don’t have all my answers yet, but I choose to believe He spoke truth through our friend, because as I write this, I am now nine and a half weeks pregnant.

So this season, I am most joyful.  I am amazed.  I am overwhelmed.  And I am sometimes tempted to fear.  Will this time also end in sorrow?  Is it too good to be true?  The benefit of falling into the category of what is politely called “Advanced Maternal Age” is that I get more frequent ultrasounds than I might otherwise, and so twice already I’ve gotten to see the baby, and even “see” the heartbeat.  But before my most recent appointment, I woke up several times in the night, heart pounding in fear at what I may discover.  I didn’t spend all that time growing this year for nothing though, and each time I would wake up, I would put into practice what I’ve learned and simply pray. I prayed that God would calm my fear.  I acknowledged that I trusted Him to carry me through anything I may have to face.  I thanked Him for speaking words of hope to us, and I prayed 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Perfect love sent the very Son of God to redeem us.  Perfect love is the hands and the feet that help during our worst tragedies.  Perfect love is the promise that through the blood of Jesus, we are restored to the relationship God designed us to have with Him, if only we will believe it.  And perfect love casts out my fears that I may once again experience great hurt.  It doesn’t cast out all possibility of ever hurting again, but it promises that there will come a day when I will spend my eternity in His presence, and nothing I experience here on earth, no matter how bad, can take that promise away.  Celebrate with me this season – He is the Prince of Peace, the Wonderful Counselor, the Everlasting Father.  May His reality bring you peace, hope, and joy this Christmas.