Today was a bit of a milestone on my journey; 30 pounds down!  I have a long way to go before I’m in the “ideal” category on most charts that measure physical sorts of things, but instead of being daunted, I choose to celebrate.  The clothes I was wearing at the end of March, when this whole thing began, are nearly all out of commission and soon to be shared with friends or Goodwill.  Yesterday I went through a sizeable stash of shorts, capris, and odds and ends that had been in my attic for several summers; the cast-offs of several vacations where I realized before leaving that I needed cooler clothes, purchased the same size I’d worn the last summer in a last-minute panic, and got home to realize I wasn’t that size anymore, unfortunately.

Those castoffs fit yesterday, pair after pair, and boy did that feel good.  Then this morning I got on the scale, saw my progress in bold digital numbers, and did the Scale Happy Dance.  That’s something that will likely never EVER appear on video, but it was true jubilation.  I’ve not really fixated on an ultimate goal, because to me that signifies dieting, and that is very much not what I am doing.  Instead, I am celebrating the sense of feeling better in my own skin.  I don’t walk away from meals with guilt anymore, and while I enjoy very tasty food every day, I am finally experiencing the difference between “eat to live” and “live to eat.”

I’ve had several people who have watched me change over the weeks ask me how I’m doing it.  When I tell them, the most common response is, “That’s great that you’re doing that!  I couldn’t do it, I love ___ too much.”  I understand that completely; I’ve said it myself.  But I’ll never say it again.  I’ve learned something amazing; when I gave my body a chance to run on the right kind of fuel, I didn’t just lose pounds, I lost cravings.  I don’t grieve because I “can’t” have a cinnamon roll for breakfast. I rejoice because I’m not interested in one.  I didn’t expect that part of my journey, and it has turned out to be the very best part.

I was thinking about that at church this morning.  The worship team was leading in a jubilant song of praise for God’s goodness to us, and I watched the expressions of worship around me.  Most were clapping, many were jumping up and down, and a few were flat-out dancing for joy.  It’s a big church, and I don’t know everyone’s stories, but I do know that some of the ones who were the most expressive in their worship are the ones whose have been the most radically changed since they let God into their lives.  It was genuine and unselfconscious, much like my dance at the scale earlier in the morning, and it made me wonder how often our feet are stilled because we’ve told God, “That’s great that You want to do that!  I don’t think it would work for me though, I love ___ too much.”

Oh friends, what are we passing up by holding so tightly to our small pleasures?

I have tried and failed more diets and programs than I care to count.  I’ve always hoped I wouldn’t fail, but suspected I would.  I can boldly say I know I won’t fail now, because this isn’t a “program” and it doesn’t end at a particular goal but is rather a change for life.  It’s also not willpower; if I’d just started with a pantry clean-out and sheer determination, I doubt I would have lasted this long.  The key is that when I gave my refrigerator over to health, I also gave my eating habits to God.  I was truly tired of where I was, and I didn’t want to get in my own way anymore.  I don’t just want to wear clothes well, or be more energetic, I want to use that energy to share the love of Jesus with those around me.  I want whatever He has to give me, and I suspect I’ve only scratched the surface of His riches.

It’s true that often we are most ready to make a radical change when we’ve hit genuine misery in our present circumstances.  But I wonder how much unnecessary misery we experience out of a belief that we’ll eternally regret it if we don’t experience just a few more “pleasures” before we give a particular something up to God.  I don’t know what those pleasures are for you, but I can guarantee they offer a poor rate of return compared to “the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus” in Ephesians 2.

Before I even knew what our service would hold at church this morning, I found myself singing one of my favorite old hymns in the shower this morning.  I share it with my love and prayers that if you have a need, you’ll find the answer in Him:

Satisfied

V1
All my life long I had panted
For a draught from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Chorus
Hallelujah! I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies my longings;
Through His blood I now am saved.

V2
Feeding on the husks around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

V3
Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul’s sad cry.

V4
Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life, so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.