I read an article this week in People magazine that included an interview with Rielle Hunter, along with excerpts from her book.  If you don’t recognize her by name, she and John Edwards had an affair while she worked on his presidential campaign.  The affair resulted in a daughter, as well as a tremendous amount of public scrutiny.  What struck me wasn’t the scandal – sadly, affairs happen every day and infidelity alone isn’t all that sensational anymore.  That doesn’t diminish their destructive power, but what really got my attention in this case was Rielle’s comments on love.

The first night she met John, he told her he’d been unfaithful to his wife for decades and was currently seeing three women in addition to his wife (which turned out to be a lie designed to keep her at arm’s length).  Considering that his marriage had evidently been “off the rails” for years, she dropped any resistance and immediately began a relationship with him.  Although she was aware Elizabeth Edwards was devastated on learning of the affair, she figured since John had been cheating for years already, Elizabeth’s anger had nothing to do with her.  When Rielle told John how hurt she was by his initial public denial of her daughter’s paternity he said, “Sorry, but it [his speech] didn’t mean anything” and she accepted that answer.  When he confessed that he’d lied about the other women when she met him, she broke up with him.  He said “You’ll adjust.”  And 24 hours later, she was back with him, so he was right.  Her summation of the relationship was “I followed my heart and I don’t regret it.” She announced in the article that they were still a couple after all these years.  Yesterday she announced they were over.

She’s really had me thinking.   I’m saddened by her acceptance of such a shadow of true love and a fraction of a relationship.  I wonder what hope there is for a normal, healthy life for her daughter.  I suspect she is unwelcome most places she goes, except for those who hope to profit by the public’s distaste for her, and I pray someone she intersects with will be able to show her that God loves her, really loves her.  That she is enough, that she doesn’t have to sell her heart for a shadow of its real value.  Today it’s Rielle.  Years ago it was a friend, who sobbed in my arms while she expressed her regret of some terrible choices made in her loneliness. In all of history it’s countless millions who search for a connection, some timidly, some defiantly, and all in brokenness.  We are so driven to find love.  What does God say love is?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ” In verse 13: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ”  Some translations actually replace “love” with “charity”, which gives quite a different feel to the idea and makes a lot of sense to me.  It describes a love that doesn’t worry about self but constantly seeks to set the other person up for the highest levels of true success.  And if both people are seeking to raise one another higher?  Something spectacular blooms and spills over in a ripple effect to all those around them.  And the best part?  1 John 4:8 says “God is love.”  He embodies that beautiful definition.  He wants to raise us up, He loves us as his precious children, He desires to give us hope and a future. Later in verse 19 it’s confirmed, “We love because He first loved us.”

Ah, but we are human.  Can we not be excused for sometimes stumbling, for being so overwhelmed by emotion that “right now” blocks any view of “some day”?  God makes it abundantly clear in 1 John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  To say it plainly, it’s not where we fall, it’s where we wallow. When we have chosen a poor relationship, we inevitably become aware of it.  And when we have awareness, we have a choice.  How do we know we’re making the right choice?  Early in my relationship with J (the giddy head-over-heels in love stage) a wise concerned person asked me if I was rushing into things.  My answer was Ephesians 1:10, which says God’s will is “to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.”  He does not create discord.  J and I were both committed to following God, as were those wise loving people around us and we knew that if our relationship was healthy, not only would we know it, but so would they.  One of the happiest memories of our wedding was the beaming smiles on both sides of the aisle, affirmation of our decision to join as a family centered in Christ.

We put a lot of time and thought into possible inscriptions inside our wedding bands.  I was overwhelmed with all the options, from poetry to song lyrics to scripture to witty modernisms (one that made me giggle was “Put me back on!”).  Scripture won the day, and “Philippians 2:2-3” is engraved in each of our wedding bands because the verses felt just like the rings – a smooth, right fit.  They say, “then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves”.  We strive to make our decisions in light of those words, and it’s evident that the best moments in our marriage match to the times when we’re each valuing the other higher than ourselves.  But when you’re basking in the glow of being uplifted, remember the Rielle’s of the world.   Those words in 1 Corinthian 13 weren’t just written for marriage ceremonies.  We are charged to show that kind of love to everyone without regard to their deservingness, because when we’re truly loved, it changes us and opens our eyes to the love of the Father. Because He first loved you, who can you treat with love today?